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This is bit of a personal journey on how my garden helped in the times when I’ve been lonely, battling monsters in my head and finding peace within.
The one person who always cared for me, no matter what had abruptly left my world in May 2015. My well being took a toll with a complicated pregnancy and I already struggled with sleep issues long after my second child was born. The news about my mom slammed me down hard and pushed me further into deep dark nights of loneliness. Days would whiz by caring for my young family, balancing a career, however nights were a totally different ball game. With practically no one to share my grief, apart from the occasional sympathetic ear from my husband, it was easy to fall into depression and sadness when night falls. With me, my bed and my thoughts, between sobs and heart wrenching pain, nights cycle into days and yet again. I would dread nights for the fear of yet another sleepless, painful night, and the low energy that follows the next day. Having inadequate support system is truly a heart crushing experience.
We had moved into a home with a larger area to garden. With that came the excitement of using all of that space into a beautiful oasis. A place where I can spend several hours on my own, looking at new life, bees, and chirping birds. A place where I can get lost, where  ugly thoughts cannot take space in my head again.
Several mornings, after the sprinkler does its run, beautiful water beads would settle on the grass. My mom called it diamonds, and you can see her eyes sparkle as she said it. I would often wonder how she would find delight in such simple moments. She would sing in the garden, and “talk” to the plants as if they were her own kids, pampering them with loving words, lovingly touch the plant, especially if it’s a troubled one. With our move I discovered that I was drawn more and more to the garden. Perhaps it was my mom’s way of making sure I continue to feel loved. I would find myself spending hours on the weekend, in solitude, tending to the garden and simply being there. With a lot of things to do with setting up a garden to grow food, the work kept my mind free of thoughts. My husband who shares my love for gardening would patiently work on laying out the vegetable beds, build trellis, and do the necessary plumbing for automated irrigation. Eventually, we transformed a grassy bare area with fruit trees, edibles, and flowers. It has now grown steadily into more than 500 sq ft of edible gardening space! When the bees and birds started visiting regularly, I knew I was not alone in this journey. I had my trusty friends with me. When I need to restore my spirit, all I need to do is step out barefoot, look for sparkling water diamonds, clean up weeds, train a vine, lovingly talk to a plant, gently caress it, eat a leaf or two and come back inside happier than when I had stepped out. It for sure knows what I emotionally need, and will always give it to me unconditionally energetically, just as my mother did…
